Why All People Should Have Air Conditioning
by fae-de-luna
Summary: What if we didn’t have air conditioning? What would happen to our brains? More importantly, how would the ice cream survive? Join Mulder and Scully as they race against the heat to stop the aliens and the government conspiracy from ending the human popu
1. The Case

Title: Why All People Should Have Air Conditioning  
  
By: DDStalker and Fae De Luna  
  
Summary: What if we didn't have air conditioning? What would happen to our brains? More importantly, how would the ice cream survive? Join Mulder and Scully as they race against the heat to stop the aliens and the government conspiracy from ending the human population, as we know it!  
  
A/N: Hello! This is DDStalker, Fae and I decided that since were bored and instead of finishing our other stories, we'd start a new one!!! Were taking turns writing each chapter. And I more or less decided to write the first one. Glares at Fae de Luna so here it goes, and yes this will be different.   
  
A/N II: ::Cringes at glare:: I beta-ed this chapter. Any grammatical errors are my fault, but feel free to send your death mail to someone else. I will be writing the next chapter. In the mean time, enjoy.  
  
Chapter one: The Case  
  
It was an ordinary day, or as ordinary as any day working with Mulder can be. We were sitting around the office, just finishing some paperwork Mulder "forgot" to do. Then the phone rang.  
  
"Hello, this is Fox Mulder." Mulder said into the phone. He listened to the person talk on the phone and he frowned a little.   
  
"No, this is not the Paul's Fish House!" He said into the phone, a little bit to loud in my opinion. I glared at him to show my displeasure. He listened a little more.   
  
"WHAT PART OF THIS IS NOT PAUL'S FISH HOUSE DON'T YOU GET?" Mulder yelled at the top of his lungs. He slammed the phone down. I crossed my arms and gave him the look.   
  
"It was a lady looking for Paul's Fish House." He stated simply, taking deep breaths to calm his temper. The phone rang again. Mulder picked it up before it could ring a second time.   
  
"I WILL TRACK YOU DOWN AND KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE! I WORK FOR THE FBI!!" Mulder screamed in the phone. Then he paled as the person talked sharply at him. I tried to strain to hear the conversation.  
  
"No sir, it was a prank call. Yes, that's how I deal with people. You're right, I wonder how people put up with me too. No, I'm not back talking you. If I were Agent Scully would slap me too. No sir, I have yet to be slapped. Okay we'll be up in a moment."   
  
He addressed me.  
  
"That was Skinner, we have to go up to his office." I gave him my best "No shit Sherlock" look. Then grabbing my purse I headed for the elevator.   
  
A/N  
  
I have to go, so I'll let fae de luna take over. Hope you liked my part. Short and stupid, both start with S! Wow! I'm so smart! REVIEW!!!!  
  
DDStalker  
  
(I'm a big girl now!)  
  
A/N II : ::Fae De Luna continues the begging for reviews:: 


	2. Skinner's Office

Title: Why All People Should Have Air Conditioning  
  
By: DDStalker and Fae De Luna  
  
Summary: What if we didn't have air conditioning? What would happen to our brains? More importantly, how would the ice cream survive? Join Mulder and Scully as they race against the heat to stop the aliens and the government conspiracy from ending the human population, as we know it!  
  
A/N: The saga continues is this terrific chapter written by yours truly. ::crickets chirping:: I'll shut up now. Just one more thing: PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!! (I'm a pitiful review junkie. Please feed my addiction.)  
  
A/N II: Yes if there are any grammer/spelling errors its not my fault! Blame it on the voices in my head. Yes, the voices speak to me. And they say you better review. cough crazy cough  
  
Chapter Two: Skinner's Office  
  
Mulder and I had made our way up from the basement room (which we sadly call "office") via the elevator. It was refreshing to finally feel some cool air. The temperatures outside were blistering and the "office" was not included in the central air conditioning system of the J. Edgar Hoover Building.  
  
We were immediately ushered into A.D. Skinner's office.  
  
"I have been passed a case that I have decided to assign to you two," he declared handing Mulder a thick file. Mulder began to flip through as Skinner continued addressing us, but mainly me. "Air conditioning units from all over the country have been mysteriously disappearing practically overnight. These units are for large buildings and are rather enormous machines as it is. I want you to get to the bottom of it."  
  
"Sir," I began. "This case hardly sounds like an X-File."  
  
"It isn't. We are, however, worried that this very building may become a target. It is host to one of the most powerful air conditioning units in the continental United States." He said this rather proudly. "Seeing as how you two have the highest solve rate in the Bureau, the higher-ups figure you will solve this before we are robbed of our unit."  
  
"But, sir-"  
  
"We'll do it." Mulder finally spoke up.  
  
"Excellent!" Skinner was about to say something else when Mulder cut him off.  
  
"But only on one condition!" Skinner pouted briefly as Mulder continued. "If we solve this before your precious AC is stolen, you have to add our office into the central AC system."  
  
Skinner seemed to weigh the options in his head, but Mulder made the "pleading puppy dog face". No one could resist that face. Sometimes I think the aliens would stop colonization if he made that face for them. Then again, I don't believe in aliens, so back to he point of this narration, Skinner agreed and we left the office.  
  
"Aren't you bothered by the nature of this case? It isn't even an X-File." I spoke to Mulder as the elevator arrived and began its decent.  
  
"No, in fact, I'm looking forward to it." I must have made some kind of a shocked face, or maybe Mulder is just really good at reading me because then he said: "Don't be shocked, we can think of it as a vacation. Besides," he said as the elevator opened into the scorching heat of the basement. "You'll thank me once you have that cool central air blowing through your hair."  
  
I sit down and immediately feel like my body has fused with the chair because of the the extreme temperature. For once, I am not inclined to argue with Mulder.  
  
A/N: Woot! I'm done. Now time for your part, the reviewing. If you don't DDStalker will be very upset. We may be fanfic writers, but we have feelings too! ::sniffle:: I shall now turn the next chapter over to my lovely/crazy co-writer.  
  
A/N II: Hello, I want to thank my beatuiful/odd co-writer for writing such a wonderful chapter. No all we need are some reviews.......Hint Hint Please review before it get's ugly...  
  
DDStalker 


	3. Librarians

Title: Why People Should Have Air Conditioning  
  
Chapter: Where The Horrors Are Unleashed  
  
Archive: PLEASE!  
  
By: Fae De Luna and DDStalker  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own nothing but the plot and only half of that.  
  
A/N: Hello. This is DDStalker; I want to personally give all the reviewers a million dollars each. But since I don't even have a million dollars myself, a hug will have to do. Please don't attack me because of this. Sees angry reviewers attacking, hides behind Fae De Luna.  
  
A/N 2: Steps aside to let attacking reviewers get to DDStalker. Sorry dude! It's every fanfic writer for herself. Anyway, please, read and REVIEW!!!!  
  
Chapter 3: Where The Horrors Are Unleashed  
  
After an hour of Mulder trying to get the chair off my body, we made our way to the first building that was hit. Well, not like it was hit by someone's hand but like someone took their air conditioning. You know what I mean. The building was a library and not just any library but the public library.  
  
We walked into the library, not to be greeted by sweet little old ladies greeting us from the front desk, but by looking down a gun barrel of one of the nasty old librarians. Her gray wig was askew and she had on too much perfume. Instantly, Mulder fell down gagging on the air, thick with scent of perfume.  
  
I dropped on the floor next to him but it was too late, he had already passed out. I banged my fists against his chest and cried out "WHY HIM!!! HE'S SO YOUNG! WHY? WHY?" Mulder started awake. I grabbed him and hugged him till his face turned blue from lack of oxygen. I let him go and started hitting him on the back so he could breathe better, but it just made it worse.  
  
"Scully, just leave me alone." He finally cried out. So I did and looked up. Well I had saved Mulder from a death he didn't even know about; more old librarians had surrounded us with guns. Did I mention Mulder and I had causally left ours at the FBI office to get cleaned? Well now I did. So anyway…oh yeah back to the story.  
  
Mulder being Mr. Macho Man decided to practice his karate moves on the ladies. Which would have worked if he had seen the lady behind him come up and hit him over the head with the butt of the gun. Great. Now I'm stuck in a library with old librarians with too much perfume with a unconscious partner. What's a girl to do?  
  
"So lovely weather were having." Well might as well found out why perfectly nice old ladies decided to get guns and kill you for entering the library. This stuff doesn't happen any day. Well actually it does around Mulder.  
  
"Lovely weather! Lovely weather!" One of them shrieked. Okay…not a good topic Dana. Hey since when did I have conversations with myself? Five minutes ago you moron. Oh that's nice. Then I realized one of the other old ladies was talking.  
  
"Air conditioning goes missing suddenly and we're sooo hot. Why we drank all the cold beverages and now there's nothing! NOTHING!" She was yelling now. Then an idea occurred to me!  
  
"Why don't you let me and my partner take you out for ice cream?" I asked slowly. They all tittered among themselves for a moment.  
  
"We would love to join you and your handsome partner for ice cream." Just then Mulder woke up with a scream. I kicked him.  
  
"Get up we're going out for ice cream." He just looked at me as if I lost it. And maybe I had. But we had a case to solve and old ladies to take out for ice cream. And we didn't have time to waste.  
  
A/N: And that's the third chapter! Short, Stupid, And Sweet! YAY! I'm sooo smart now I do solemnly give this chapter to my brilliant/freaky co-author for beta-ing! Please review. I'll be your best friend, though why you want me to is beyond me. Just review for the sake of my sanity!!!!  
  
DDStalker  
  
A/N 2: Nothing further. The more reviews, the faster I write the next chapter. Feel free to review more than once. 


	4. What Do You Mean, There's No Mint Chocol...

Title: Why People Should Have Air Conditioning

Chapter: What Do You Mean, There's No Mint Chocolate Chip?

Archive: PLEASE!

By: Fae De Luna and DDStalker

Disclaimer: I don't own nothing but the plot and only half of that.

A/N: I am so sorry it took so long to get this chapter done, but before you all start throwing stones and pointy objects, you should know it was because I am recovering from major surgery and have been in a lot of pain recently (please let that make you pity me so you leave reviews). Sorry about the formatting. is being mean to me.

A/N 2: ummmm......... I bruised my backbone does that count? Whatever. Just pity me and leave reviews!

Chapter 4: What Do You Mean, There's No Mint Chocolate Chip?

After breaking just about every law pertaining to driving a vehicle, we finally arrived at the ice cream shop. It was a Carvel to be specific.

"Okay ladies," Mulder, who seemed to have had recovered from his librarian induced stupor, held the door open as we entered. "Just pick whatever flavor you like so we can be on our way."

The nanosecond I stepped inside, I knew something was desperately wrong. Normal Carvels are usually cold enough to keep a woolly mammoth on ice, without having to put it in the freezer. This Carvel was rivaling the temperatures found on the sun. I bravely walked up to the pizza faced kid behind the counter, praying to every deity I could think of that the freezer was still working.

"We need to get these ladies some ice cream, fast."

"I'd be happy to take their orders." The first librarian stepped up and asked for Rocky Road. "I'm sorry," the kid replied. "We don't have any of that at the moment."

All the librarians were met with the same annoying polite reply, until one finally became irate enough to shout back: "What do you mean, there's no mint chocolate chip?!?"

Mulder was once again engulfed in a heap of furious librarians as he tried to pull them off the kid. Once the kid had been pulled out of the pile, leaving Mulder to fend for himself, I cornered the kid and very close to shooting him, questioned him.

"You said you would be happy to take their orders. Where is all the ice cream? Why don't you have any?"

He said something, or he my have just whimpered, but I never got to find out what he said, because at that very moment, the manager walked in.

"What's going on in here?!" he shouted.

"Sir, I'm Agent Scully and that, over there under the pile of elderly ladies, is Agent Mulder. We're with the FBI. Could you please explain why you don't have any ice cream?"

"I just came back from making a report at the police station. Our air conditioning unit, which was so powerful it kept the ice cream frozen, was stolen. Everything melted and now we have nothing."

I walked over to where Mulder was lying in a heap on the floor.

"Mulder, this place has been hit too. What are we going to do about the librarians?"

He picked his head up off the floor and looked at me. Then he dropped it. I watched him do three more times before I gave up and kicked him.

"Mulder, what are we going to do!?"

"Tell them to think cold thoughts?"

He then proceeded to pass out and left me on my own to solve the problem. I was seriously wishing Mulder had left me in Antarctica. That's when a brilliant idea struck me. What was the one place that was always cold and didn't run on AC. I had no clue, but once I figured it out, I would move there and leave Mulder to solve this case.

After reveling in that though for a few minutes, I decided to load everyone up and go to the hospital. It looked like Mulder would need some stitches. Plus one of the librarians had broken a leg. Plus the kid had a broken nose. Plus, I just really needed a break.

A/N: Okay, stupid and short, but would it make you feel more sympathetic if I told you my jaw was wired shut? Please review.

A/N 2: Just review and I'll think of writing the next chapter...


End file.
